Questions That Actually Prompt Conversation

Moving is hard. Moving is hard for a lot of different reasons, but one of them, and the one that I've been running into most often considering my relatively recent relocation, is making friends. I'm honestly pretty good at it, too- as much as I like the idea of being the strong, silent type, I tend to not shut up nearly enough which is, ironically, one of the best ways to get to know people.

My partner, having been so shy as to be nearly selectively mute for a while, has much more difficulty on that front, even though she goes to school, something that I have decided not to do for the time-being, under-achieving as I

am known to be. School, in this case, provides the benefit of the time-honored shortcut to friend-making- going to the same place on a regular schedule (which is honestly the best advice that I can give on this subject; if you go back to some sort of public place daily or weekly, you will eventually make friends).

Regardless, the difficulty in question has impressed upon me of late the importance of being able to make conversation. I'm not talking about "small talk," as poorly-defined as it may be, as those conversations tend to hit the dirt within a few sentences, I mean I've gotten interested in questions that you can ask people that can actively prompt an entire conversation. Kind of a "get-to-know-you" kind of thing, but odd or off-beat enough that it feels less like an interrogation and more of a brainstorm.

Anyway, here are some good ones from the far-reaching depths of my samsung notes app:

(These will be structured with the question in bold above, and my own responses/examples just below.)

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1) If you were to create a piece of media/story to reflect certain themes, which themes would they be, and why?

- Love that takes work

- How to live without regrets (without believing in fate)

- Breaking past the barrier of the self (creative resistance, cognitive distortions, time blindness, etc.)

- How cool it is that everyone is interested in different stuff

2) What is a topic that you have a special connection to because you did some sort of academic assignment about it; what did you learn?

- Tapirs

• I don't remember too much, but I definitely did a big project about them in elementary school.

- Basking Sharks

• How they're rad, giant , and harmless; how they used to travel in gigantic schools of hundreds of individuals; how fishermen got pissed at them because they would get stuck in nets all the time, so the people started putting giant blades on the fronts of their boats and ramming into the sharks, cutting them in half.

- The Satanic Panic and Dungeons & Dragons

• I wrote a research paper that I was really proud of about how parents' fear of the roleplaying game in question at the time may have been misplaced concern about mental health issues.

3) What is a topic that you pretend to know less about than you actually do?

- Anime & Video Games

• I am insecure and these feel embarrassing- I feel like I need to make sure people know about my personality before they make judgements based on the things I like, and how other people who enjoy similar things may act/be perceived.

- Herpetology (Reptiles & Amphibians) & Wildlife

• I have a tendency to just start regurgitating information at a high speed; I need to make sure the others in the conversation are actually receptive to me verbally launching my interests at them.

4) What is something in pop culture that you would change the representation of?

- Committed Relationships

• New love/infidelity is romanticized a lot and I think that it encourages dissatisfaction and a "grass-is-always-greener" attitude, I think solid partnerships built on mutual trust and effort should be romanticized more.

• The only piece of media that I can think of that kind of does this (albeit imperfectly) is High Fidelity, and I don't like that movie very much.

5) What is something that you would tell your younger self that is only important to you? (Avoid things that would drastically alter your life trajectory)

- "What you think is Generalized Anxiety is actually OCD, what you think is a Depression symptom is actually an ADHD symptom, and it's called 'Executive Dysfunction.' The right people will understand more easily when you call it that."

- "You do not dislike mayonnaise- you like aioli and those two are the same fucking thing, one just sounds better. The bread you're eating with savory sandwiches is too sweet and your parents are not bothered by it, but you are. Switch to sourdough and put olive oil on it."

6) What habits/motions/idiosyncrasies do you notice about your friends/the other people in the conversation?

- My partner does a thing when she plays video games where she scrunches up her face and relaxes it in quick succession. It is adorable.

- A friend of mine will sometimes tilt his head to one side and then the other when he is about to respond to a question.

(This is best when you can imitate the motion or manner of speaking, but be sure that everyone involved is comfortable with the topic, as this can be a sensitive subject for some people.)

7) In what ways are you glad that you're different from how you used to be?

- I've always been really prone to showing off how much I know about specific things, but I used to be way more insufferable about it. Now, I try to be really transparent and genuine about the things that interest me, and practice Intellectual Humility whenever I can.

- I used to be really concerned about my sexuality and making sure my gender identity was solidly masculine. I no longer give a shit, and thank god for that.

8) Which albums were the most influential in your life? What are some memories that you have of them?

- Songs in the Key of Life by Stevie Wonder

- Say I Am You by The Weepies

- Random Access Memories by Daft Punk

- Awaken, My Love by Childish Gambino

9) What are your favorites of the compliments that you've received?

- "I've never once felt judged by you."

- "You make it feel really easy to jump in." (In reference to playing music and improvising)

- "Your sweeping form is impeccable."

10) What crime would you be most likely to be arrested for?

- No comment.

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These next ones are bonuses because I did not come up with them, rather I've found them on the internet over the years. The list on my phone is more of a compilation than a canvas:

If anything, what would you change about the way you were raised? - More emphasis on the results of hard work as opposed to talent

- More fluid views on gender

"WAT R UR ADJECTIVES"

Thank you, Skweezy.

Para mi:

Apprehensive, Abstracted,

Quizzical

What are your tiny hobbies?

- Wire-wrapping rocks and pieces of sea glass for jewelry that may or may not get made; making little wire rings

- Taking cuttings from plants and seeing if I can get them to root

- Finding rocks that I like and putting them in a bag to give out to my friends when they hang out with me

• Ideal rocks: ones that fit comfortably in your hand and pocket; soft enough to wear down after a long time of keeping them in your pocket and rubbing them when you need something to do with your hands (I check the hardness); rough enough to feel a difference when they start to get smooth, but not so rough as to be uncomfortable

- carrying around my notebook

- making lists in my phone's notes

• Funny animal names

• Band/song/album names

• Things I like

• Gamertag ideas

• Story/Fantasy/DnD ideas

• Restaurants of whatever area I'm in

• Good movies/shows to watch with a group of friends

• Websites to return to

• Fruits I want to try

• Conversation-starter questions